I Woke Up
Updated: Aug 22, 2021
I woke up this morning. It is August 17, 2020. Yes, I yawned, stretched, and thought about today. But instead of shuffling the deck of scheduled tasks or thinking about the people I planned on avoiding on another Zoom call, I thought about this minute - the sounds, the smells, the feelings, the sights, my breathing, the sheets that touched my skin, my steady pulse. the taste in my mouth. I WOKE up this morning.
I am a consummate thinker, full of questions, contradictions, ideas, plans, and dreams. One who mulls over every detail, and other's actions, expressions, and words. One who remembers with terrible clarity seemingly mundane things from the past that others may have long forgotten. An overactive mind to say the least. I am a Melancholic. On any given day, the hurricane of dissonance that swooshes through my head is enough to register category 5 on a Saffir-Simpson Wind Scale.
But today, it was all still. Quiet. Serene. Beautiful. What changed?
What changed was my awareness - awareness of the present moment. Not of yesterday's bad decisions. Nor of tomorrow's preoccupations. But right now. I became still when I AWOKE to the precious gift I had right in my hands. A thunderous wave of gratitude and thankfulness quickly submerged my awareness of time. And all that mattered was the majesty of being present. Present to EXPERIENCE the tangible beauty all around.
In that instant, there was no fear, no regret, no worry, no doubt, nor no crippling anxiety. I felt free. Free to fully embrace the novelty of the moment. It quickly dawned on me that when I fully surrendered to the moment, the past and future lost their significance. Was this escapism? No. Finally, this was acceptance. Acceptance that this moment was just for me. No need for guilt or feelings of unworthiness. I deserved it all.
Welcome to Restive Minds. I do hope that this first post is indicative of my intention. That is, to create a blog that chronicles my experience with feelings of restlessness - a restless mind, and how that restlessness manifests in my life. The blog will juxtapose those feelings with the awareness of the present moment. Thus, betraying the conflict of everyday life.